Always By Her Side And Forever In His Heart
by RoseScor90
Summary: Lily Potter was hurt and Lysander Scamander was the only person she'd let in her life. How could he heal her if she wants him to go away? Will he listen to her words or her heart?


Disclaimer: Not JK…

A/n: Written for the Alliterated Pairings Competition. The pairing given was Lily/Lysander and the song was Another day by Paramore. The prompt was 'leaving your heart wide open'

It had always been him that had to keep their relationship going. The one that had to ask her out. The one that had to take a hold of her hand when they took a walk. The one that had to tell her that he loved her knowing she'd never say it back. He had not minded that. Because he had understood her. He had known she'd always be withdrawn. He had known she'd give up very easily. Because she was easily hurt, she'd never take a risk. She had broken her heart once before but she'd never tried to repair it. He'd thought he could do that for her. Had imagined he could mend her until she'd become the Lily of his childhood, when she'd feel without barriers and love without fear.

May be he hadn't done her any good. He had come to that conclusion when she had suddenly disappeared a week ago and he couldn't find her anywhere in the castle. Being in different houses did nothing to help his search. So he had come to the only decision he could. He'd wait for her to come out of whatever it was that had made her hide from him in the first place.

And so Lysander Scamander sat, on the bank of the Black lake, watching the swirling water which sprayed him with cool water. It was calming, the constant noise of the water splashing on the shore, a lullaby of sorts, and he closed his eyes trying to enjoy it. But alas, the face of Lily Potter would not let him be. It tormented him until he gave up the attempt to compose himself. He sighed and gazed into the depths of the lake, seeing nothing but his own reflection. Her face, calm, anxious and expectant, arose on the water surface and he sighed again. There was no way he was going to be able to forget her anytime soon. Feeling a presence behind him, he said, without looking back, "Don't pester me Lorcan. I'm not willing to accompany you to wherever you are traipsing today". He turned away to the lake only to see Lily's reflection place a hand on his shoulder.

He briefly wondered if the Black lake had somehow turned into the Mirror of Erised. But if he was seeing what he wanted, Lily would be smiling and happy not melancholic and anxious. Also, the feel of her hand on his shoulder was too real for it to be an illusion. And her voice too soft for it to be a hallucination.

"I'm not Lorcan" she sat beside him on the ground, leaning on his shoulder as she always did. His arm went around her shoulder of its own accord to keep her close to him, a protective gesture that was almost second nature to him. She looked hopeful, as if she was waiting for him to say something. Seeing her expression, he raised an eyebrow.

"Aren't you going to say something? Like…Don't you wan to break up with me?"

Lorcan was completely surprised. Whatever he had expected, it wasn't that. "Why would I do that?"

"I…left you didn't I? You're supposed to be angry with me and say that you'd had enough. That this won't work out. That you don't want to be with me anymore" she said and her voice was so honest that Lysander couldn't help feeling bad for her.

"Do you want me to break up with you?" She nodded her head in affirmation.

"Why? If you want to so bad, why don't you break up with me?"

"I…can't do that. I don't want to hurt you" she said in a small voice, looking at his reflection in the lake rather than at the person next to her.

"But it's alright if I hurt you?" Lysander's voice was sharper than normal and he immediately chided himself for speaking that way.

"Yes, it is. It's fine if I hurt. You should move on, Ly. I feel as if I'm somehow dragging you down. Like I'm spoiling your life. You should be happy. You deserve to be happy after all that you have done for me" she tried to sound confident but her voice broke a little right at the very end.

"Why don't you look me in the eye and say that Lily? Tell me you don't like me anymore and I'll go out of your life. But please, do not ask me the one thing I can never do. Move on! As if that is even possible" Lysander shook his head in denial.

Lily seemed to become even more fidgety with this and her words were rushed when she said, "You've to try! Don't you get it? You've to go away! That's how things work! That's how relationships work!"

"Why do you think all relationships are bound to be doomed?"

"Not all. Just all of mine. I'm just not worth it, Ly" she said, lowering her head between her folded hands. Lysander was surprised she had finally said what had been troubling her all along, now of all times. And he was even more shocked to realize that she actually believed what she said.

"Lily, look at me. Please" he did not try to force her to look at him. She had to understand the truth and she had to do so of her own accord. Lily lifted her head slightly to look at his face once, her eyes brimming with tears. She grimaced and sank back into her refuge. But he knew she was listening. It was his only chance to prove to her that he wasn't going to hurt her. That he wasn't going away. He opened my mouth to speak but she interrupted. Her voice was so low that he had to lean in to even hear her.

"Why do you always do this? Why are you making this so difficult for me? Why can't you just break up with me and get it over with?"

"Because…"

"Don't tell me you love me again. Please" she was pleading with him, her voice urgent. As if her life depended on her request.

"Why not Lily? You know it's the truth"

"You're making this more complicated each time you tell me. You're making it harder for me to forget. I'm afraid I'll start…believing you"

"You mean trust me?"

"No. I trust you Lysander. More than I trust anyone in this world. More than I trust myself"

"But you will not believe my words? That doesn't make any sense Lily"

"I never said I didn't believe you. Only that I was afraid I'd accept that I believe you"

"You lost me"

"Good" she said and he knew she had taken it in the sense she had wanted to.

"You know I didn't mean it that way"

"I wish you did Ly. So I won't have to risk my heart. So I can remain shut up and safe"

"And unhappy?"

"It doesn't matter"

"Okay. We'll leave it at that. But say, just for an example, that you could be safe and happy at the same time, wouldn't that be worth a bit of risk?"

"You're humoring me"

"I mean it Lily. If that were possible, what would you do?"

Lily shook her head vehemently, closing her hands over her ears. Her head shook from side to side, as if she was refusing something.

"Please Lysander. Don't make me hope. If you wish to see me alive, don't make me hope"

"Are you alive now Lily? A living human would enjoy life, laugh, and be happy. Sure there'll be hurdles but at the end of the day, they'll feel content. Do you feel content Lily? Have you ever felt that way?"

"Yes, yes I did, Ly. When we were kids. Back then, I had nothing to hinder my joy. I had the world's most wonderful parents, the best brothers a sister could ask for, the most compassionate family in the wizarding world, and of course you were there to complete my world. But things don't remain the same forever. _We_ don't stay the same. I thought you were being prejudiced when you told me not to date him. I thought you were worried about our friendship. I was worried you thought of me as just a friend and nothing more. So I took the easy way out. Look where it led me"

Lysander's heart thudded so loudly in his ears that he was sure she'd have heard him. "What do mean Lily? What are you saying?"

Lily laughed a wry laugh before saying, "Why do you think you're the only person I can't ever ignore? Why do you think I could never stay away from you, even when I knew I had no right to remain? Why do you think I come to you for everything? Why do you think I agreed to go out with you at all? I was never very good with self control. Especially when it concerned you"

"Why did you never tell me Lily? Why put us through all this? You knew I liked you"

"Did I? Even if I had, I was too proud to admit that I fell into the everyday category of falling for my friend. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be the rebel so bad that I went against my heart. Serves me right"

"No it doesn't" he said, as he lifted her face. She did not shrink back this time, looking him in the eye. "What you need is a healthy dose of admiration. To be pampered and cherished. To be treated like the princess you are"

"That's rubbish. Noone will ever see me that way" she moved her face away to face the lake but she was smiling a little. He knew her well enough to see that a little bit of affection was all she needed now.

"Oh, but I already do" he said, grinning.

"I always knew you were wrong in the head" she said, suddenly smiling at him. He knew the struggle was over then. It had been the hardest thing he had ever done and her smile was the best reward he could have imagined.

"Why else do you think I would date you?" he said, placing his arm around her shoulder once again. It was the most natural thing to him. She closed her eyes, leaning into him, feeling closer to home than she had ever felt.

A moment, or was it an hour? Later, Lily looked up at him and said, "I missed you. Terribly. I almost considered aborting this hiding from you mission"

"I missed you too. More than you can imagine. Not having you beside me, is like, living inside vacuum. I feel isolated, empty and nothing that happens around me seems to affect me"

"I dunno why you care so much. I'm nothing spectacular" she said, embarrassed. But her was glowing, betraying her true feeling.

"On the contrary, you are the most exceptional person I've ever met, Lily. You enchant me like noone else" his blue eyes were intent and she had to tarry a minute before she could form a response.

"Yeah, I suppose the constant grouchy face and sudden bouts of tears do make me endearing" she said, her sarcastic nature coming out for the first time in almost a year.

"You are forgetting the ten years before that. Just because the moon hides behind the clouds…"

"Don't tell me you've been reading poems"

"Sonnets" he replied, shrugging.

"Thought you could impress me with poetry, did you?" she was almost snarky now. It only made his smile wider and wider and he felt that his mouth would hurt from smiling so much.

"There must have been something I could have done to make you feel better. As it happened, all I needed to do was be honest"

"I'm still not sure about this, you know?"

"You don't need to be. All you need to do is leave your heart wide open for it to heal"

"I might get hurt again"

"Yes, but you'll always have memories to relish in. Happy days to remember"

"And you will be in all of them?"

"All of them" he promised and she leant back on his shoulder.

Lysander had a feeling that she was finally accepting that she could trust him.

And he was prepared to take on the world to make it remain that way.

A/n: Please review!


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